At the heart of the matter lies its essence.
Earlier tonight my partner said something that stuck with me so much and made me so excited I had to record her response. We were talking about my work at the office and how I find it both interesting but also difficult because, even though for the most part I enjoy what I’m doing, deep down I don’t feel like it’s scratching the itch that’s at the very essence of what’s driving me forward on a daily basis. While I feel like I’m making a difference, it doesn’t feel like the level of impact I’m looking to make. And that’s when she said this:
“The question to ask is ‘What in life do I care so much about or am so passionate about that that feeling and that drive overrides any kind of ego or insecurity or what people will think or feel or even what my impact will be?’ At the end of the day, that’s important, but it’s more the everyday: what do you enjoy, what do you feel so strongly about that nothing else matters, you know? Because that’s sustainable. For any other reason, it’s not.”
What in life do I care about so much that it overrides any kind of ego or insecurity? What do I feel so strongly about that nothing else matters?
As soon as she said this I knew my answer, felt it hit that very core that sometimes feels so neglected it forgets itself and begins to disappear. It’s the same reason I left Montana for LA out of high school. It’s the same reason I left USC to go back to Montana after three years of college. It’s the same reason I’ve been writing since I was a kid. It’s the same reason I took my first backpacking trip to Europe when I was 24 and have spent over eight months touring the continent since. It’s the same reason I chose to go into business with my father when all I kept hearing from him was how much he didn’t want me around. It’s the same reason I decided to become financially independent. It’s the same reason I began painting four years ago even though I’d never sketched in my life. It’s the same reason my partner and I left Bozeman to live in LA for two years while she finished school at SC. It’s the same reason we moved back to Bozeman. It’s the same reason we’ve spent months touring the western US sleeping in a tent or the back of our car. It’s the same reason we’ll spend the next year and a half touring the US, Canada, and Mexico in our Tacoma. It’s the same reason I started a blog seven years ago. And it’s the same reason I’m restarting Writing Wanderer today: to discover the essence of life and share it with others.
To discover the essence of life and share it with others. It sounds simple because it is. And yet, putting it into practice has been anything but simple. But that’s for another article.
